The Nightmare in a VA hospital

Where's Rambo? When you need him

by Dave Stromire

Echo 2/1 ’68-69

This was going to be a story of my battles over the last thirty years with PTSD. After looking back at all the months I spent on the Flight Deck (Nut Ward) and all the different meds they tried on me before I was even treated for PTSD, I have decided to stay away from delving back into such an awful nightmare. PTSD is so disabling and can be very fatal to some vets like me.

For ten years before I went to my first Post Traumatic Stress Disorder program I was just another nut case from Nam. I hurt so many people, family, and friends, anyone who got close to me. Then the next ten years while being treated for PTSD I turned all my anger inwards. Three very serious car wrecks, two roll overs, and a head on. Four States and two suicide attempts (Cry’s for help) later. I found myself locked up, only to be released to the Veterans Hospital. I went through and graduated the first ever three month PTSD inpatient program at American Lake, VA Hospital in Tacoma. Then fell on my face and tried it again with the 6th group. I graduated again and thought I was cured.

What a joke. So I moved in an apartment two blocks from the hospital to do groups. They were OK, except I had to go back to my apartment and spend the night alone when the groups were over, looking at four walls and trying to figure out what just happened.

I really get too depressed to try and write about it. My doctor is going to retire in March of 2005. I have seen him off and on for over 25 years. The last two years, without missing one appointment. That is a big accomplishment for me. On my last appointment, I want to bring my whole family to see him. To show how important family support is, while going through the treatment phase.

I wanted to write my story, in hope of helping or letting others know that you are not alone! I want others to know, even though PTSD is real and very disabling that I take full responsibility for all the pain, I have caused to so many who loved me. I am very sorry for the scars and even giving PTSD to others. Including, my Wife and Kids. If it were possible, I would take it all back on myself.

I also think it is very important for people who don't know about this pain. That being a Nam Vet with PTSD, does not mean you are a Rambo. I saw less action and trauma then most combat vets. I wish it was as easy as the way Rambo was portrayed. Then I would know what and how to cure myself. 

So, any of you Vets who are having trouble and just can’t put a finger on it. I urge you to get to a VA Hospital. Don't worry about going through what I did. They don't do that stuff anymore? They have really got an Idea on treating, not curing PTSD.  Most Vets won’t even have to spend one night in the Hospital. I guess I am one of many who blazed a trail back in the late 70s and early 80s. They now recognize PTSD, and really want to help. But for any of you Rambo’s, who just want to claim PTSD for compensation. One word of warning. If you are a poser. You will get caught. Or worse, PTSD will get you more then you could ever imagine.

When I was in groups, I had a very good sense of who was real and who was not. When someone would start telling Rambo war stories. I would tell them, I will wait for the movie to come out.

I have said enough, except for the fact. I will not make the same mistake LT. Puller made, and say I am cured. I was very sad when I read Lt. Pullers book. (The Fortunate Son). Because even though Lt. Puller really believed he had overcome PTSD, I was not convinced. I never thought he would go as far as to take his own life. But, I knew by his words just how bad PTSD had taken him over. Because I have lost too many brothers to this awful disease, I will always have PTSD. We all need to know it’s real and very scary. But now, I have a wonderful Wife and Kids and most of all, my FAITH back. I know the little things I need to do to keep from letting depression over take me. So, I do them or my Wife is all over me. Over the last 15 years of our marriage, she has become very sensitive to the battles our Warriors continue to face. I wish she could work at a Vet center.

Maybe someday I can write a story about PTSD. But not now, not today. I am also very concerned for our Warriors coming home today. I can see it’s the same thing just a different war. Also for so many of you Vets who have come home and been very successful in life, I salute you. Because, you have taken your battle scars of war and turned them into a positive thing. Semper Fi, Marines and all Vets.  Get help if you need it.

And Good Night RAMBO where ever you are?